Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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