Say something about gay babies.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
