I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize