All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
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