Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
