Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
