I wish I could teleport
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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