Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
