yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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