another moral hangover. fuck.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
