K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
