She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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