stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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