so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
