There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
