Someone shit on the floor
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
