did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
