Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
