I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
