i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
