first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
