i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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