remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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