Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
