Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
