When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
