My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I am naked and annoyed.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
