Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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