I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
