You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
