She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the day after is always just damage control
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
