Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
