Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
