1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We're too hungover to prance.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
