I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Actions speak louder than pants.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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