Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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