obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
where are my eyebrows?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
