Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
