On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Quick, to the slutcave!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
