Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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