I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
