after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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