I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
