Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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