im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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