She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
