I can't watch pbs sober anymore
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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