if i can run in heels then i can drive
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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