Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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