Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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