never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
God, I missed his penis.
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