On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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