hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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