haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
