If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
