Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
