ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
