It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You are a genius and a whore.
Someone signed my nipple.
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