She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Randomize
