We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
