I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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