Where are you?
In a non slutty way
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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