i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
