So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
