Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
