i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
