she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
