I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
