so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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