remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
