so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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