I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
