Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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