We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
