It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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