how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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