we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
