I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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