tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He felt like a one man threesome
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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