He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just want nice things and good sex
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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